Thursday, November 29, 2012

Self-Discipline Can Only Help So Much...

     Another long time no see post. But that is going to change. Who says one has to wait until the New Year to make changes? I am making a pledge to you, my readers, that I will post at least once a week. I would like to do that three times a week, but as I am still not hooked up to the Internet @ home and it's not easy to write a post on my BlackBerry (I'm on my fourth one in less than 10 months), I will promise a week.
 
     In order to make one's life better, changes need to occur. I know my weak spots, my main one being lack of self-discipline. I always joked that if I was self-employed I'd be homeless because of my lack of self-discipline. I've already been homeless and I think after that journey, self-discipline ought to be a piece of cake. Speaking of which, were you going to eat that last one? Look at a picture of me and you will know I have self-discipline issues with everything, including food. Remember the See-Food diet? Where you eat all the food you see? It works! Except that you gain weight instead of losing it.
 
     I just came back from my first airline trip in four years and the bigger me had an effect on my comfort and the comfort of my seatmates. I felt so bad on the first leg out, which was a four hour flight from Sacramento to Minneapolis, that I told the person sitting next to me if he wanted to eat anything, I would pay for it. He wouldn't let me do that. It was the only thing I could think of to make up for my flab encroaching into his space. The second leg, which was only an hour and a half, was not as easy. The lady sitting next to me was above average in her late fifties or early sixties. I made her the same offer and she just about had a fit. As if I had no right to breathe the same air as her because I was so fat. The entire flight she sat there with this angry smug look on her face. Poor woman. Being angry like that only hurts you, not the person you are angry at. On the flights back home, I tried to upgrade to first class because those seats are bigger, but both flights were sold out. The agent did allow me to sit in the exit row, which is bigger. Many airlines won't let anyone who uses a seat belt extender to sit in the exit row. Something about big people not being able to help others out. Sorry, but when my adrenaline flows that hard, I can do anything. Well, most anything. Don't think I could acquire self-discipline.
 
     I have been in my apartment for more than a half a year, but still have not: Put my bed frame together; put my dinette set together; or emptied out my storage unit. All of those things take more than self-discipline, they take physical strength and I just cannot do that. The medication I am on for my aches and pains puts me to sleep 18 hours a day. I hate it, but if I don't take it, I am in pain and cannot function the time I am awake. According to the federal government, I am disabled, yet I cannot get health care until March of next year. Well, I do have Medi-Cal, but there is a $1978/month share of cost. Yeah, I essentially have no health insurance. Which means I cannot get the spine operation I need until next March. I cannot get the knee injections I need every six months until next March. I cannot have my left ovary (I have never hated a body part as much as my left ovary. The pain it has caused me since puberty is worse than all the other aches and pains put together) removed until next March. So I take my pain meds, sleep 18 hours a day and wait for Medicare to kick in. Meanwhile, I have brand new furniture that is not being used because there is nowhere to hook up a television set in the living room for the time being. My couch serves as a place to put stuff until I can get someone to help me put it up, such as the cat door and the automatic litter box. Do you think self-discipline would help get these things done? I am willing to pay people at this point to come help me, as I know my limitations right now.
 
     So look forward to reading a post a week from me at the least. In the meantime, know anyone who can help turn my apartment into a home? All the self discipline in the world won't do it.